The darkness inside the light

I don't think that it's a coincidence that since you've been around things became better and brighter, my heavy baggage feels like it's getting smaller and lighter, I've been beaten to the ground and now I'm turning into fighter, I don't know if life has any but I feel like I'm almost grasping some meaning, the world is still the same but somehow it feels worthier to live it, but I'm scared because it feels more painful to leave it, to feel it and then at some point dealing with it ending as if nothing ever happened, memories vanishing into the abyss simply transforming into Nothing, there's something in life that my mind can't tolerate losing and that is life itself, and the more I enjoy something the more I suffer the idea of loss and the idea of death, the idea of finding a pointless purpose in this pointless existence limited by time is absurd, but I still feel the urge of holding into some fucking purpose as a lifeguard to try to keep my mind quiet for a while. And sometimes it works, but sometimes I'm devoured by my thoughts.